btw, this is a long and meaningless post. i doubt anyone of you is going to read from the first to the last word. so go look for the links in my blog and go to their blog or wtv. or you can just press 'x' sign on the top right corner. if you are not gonna read this, don read a single word of it and go away.

..................................................................................................................
hehe. uhm i can explain. >.<"

well, this is the perfect time for blogging isnt it? ^^

3.17AM and i'm still here.

listening Pavane.

i wonder why...



i tried to explain my weirdness of staying up at this kind of time.

not busy with stuff.

but plainly just watching movie, sight reading scores, and listening music.


i find myself rediculously enjoying this moment.

perfectly calm and relax.


*********


i guess, i just love the quietness and lonliness of the night (early morning )

just before this post. i was so hot tempered.

i thought it was me.

but i guess not.


i couldn't bare the morning and afternoons.

everything is going on.

that's wat i despise.


****


being totally alone downstairs now.

i couldnt' just love it more.



mom, sis, granma all sleeping(obviously)

no sound.

the 'shhh'-ing of the fan.

and my window media player making sounds.(and youtube)

beautiful ones.


not like the morning and afternoons,

tv noise of granma,

electric shops behind my house making unbearable noise as if they are the only ones on earth.

cars in the neighbourhood which had its alarm set off and which seems like hours till its freakin owner manage to get his/her keys.

neighbour yelling to each other.

unbearable hot weather.

stupid ppl which i am suppose to communicate with.(and i dono how)

seeing ppl acting to stay good.

cars zooming around and not have a look at their engines.

yada yada.. etc....

(don wanna spoil my mood)


what my point is,

now..

i can on my music as loud as i want too...

listen to it carefully without no external noises acting on it.

no one demanding me here and there.

no one to act as if he had the power.

no one nagging.


you noe wat?

i used to be afraid of being alone downstairs at night.

haha. imagine that.


****

well, wat you didn't noe was that i was sick last night.

with unbearable headache....

minor fever....

my eyes were burning,

my head acted as if it had been poked on or something.


but i didn't went to sleep.

i stayed downstair.

watch tv till i couldn't stand the pain.


i dono why either,

just don feel like sleeping.

so yea, haha, i wouldn't go to sleep because i like the night so much. xDDDD


****

im such a loner

but that's me.

loner takes up 60% of me.

the other 30% is the laughing, high gei, as if i have no 'heart stuff'(chinese) in school

the other 10% is... i don care.


i'm not that always happy.

sometimes i do feel i'm fake. somehow.

but im getting real.

yea.

i was faker last time. xDD

i mean, literally.

fake as in i don represent myself.


**

i was asking myself.

when is the TRUE-EST me?


i'm true now.

since nothing is stopping me from being it.


but when is the 30% happiness of me true?

i think think think,

i thought thought thought.


and i've got none. xDDD

sometimes i laugh to lighten the atmosphere.

do make it seem... i'm laughing?

i dono.

for others to see i guess?


happy?

100% wans??

nah.

the closest i get is 95%.

of course there are times i'm superbly happy.

but there are always cons present aren't there?

you're happy

but you have other stuff worrying you in heart.

stuff that you cared of.


****


ar la. these are a bunch of craps

these are meant to go into my diary.

but mine's upstairs. =(

anyone go get it for me?


xX wtv. haha Xx
signing off at 3.47AM

i'm really in bad mood these days..

anything can trigger my boling point..

and hatred is acumulating inside me..


i long for justice..

i lost the trust..

but i freakin don care.

its you people who don see your own fault in any case.


what you see is only others fault.

but who is the cause.


and what's the freakin use of your eyes if you wouldn't just SEE.

just cut it off and i wont' blame you for not seeing.


you blind person.

the 2nd face of her made you think she is matured and wat the heck.


as if she will never start a fight and talk like she is a devil.


you never trusted me.

but trusted her devilish acting skill.


wats more is she doens't even think she did anything wrong.

how dare she go tell you when she is the one who is the cause.



i can see horns on her head.

longer and more crooked that i have ever seen on others.


she acted in your presence.

but i am the one who saw her devil.


but i'm dissapointed in you.

how can you not believe me.

i tried to explain.

but you dont take it in.


i owuldn't mention her devilish side to you.

dont waste my time.

but you made me say sorry.

i had to spill.


then you know you couldnt' blame me then.

and scolded her for a blink time.

your freakin stupid brain should have knew she would repeat this over and over again.


but wat was for me to say.

i hid it in.

i shut up when i was blamed forher faults.


but wat the heck.

since she was wrong.

i don pick fight on her.

and tat is the best that i could do.


but you asked for more.

you asked me to treat her well.


i don understand.

oyu are a failure.

a total failure.


she's a bitch.

but you adore that bitch.


could you just leave me in peace.

and just go away.


xX....Xx
cooling down. stop naggin me.

once,

sour was always there for me..

i was on top of its list of importance..

but i guess i just took it for granted,

and with my uttermost stupundeous brain thought that it would last forever.


now that sour's gone.

i realise how lonely i feel without sour..

there's no one to count on 24/7.

never have i missed sour so much.


though, it'll still be there sometimes,

but i ain't that special someone anymore.


to think that sour needs me more i never predicted this day,

and i found out i need it more then ever.


haihs,

i guess its my fault?

yea, thank you anyways.

xX haha Xx
xDDD


ps: don worry ppl, this ain't an emo post.
pps: and this sour person is just a fren that i miss talking to.
ppps: please stop guessing who sour is.

Straighten Up...

untangled all those tangles..

i guess i finally know the answer...

hahahaha....

damn faarrr-nnneeeeyyyy lah.. lol.


going genting on thurs. won't see me 2 days.

lol. i know i know. no one would miss me. lol


lam lam ask me go away! haha

lalalallalalaaal...


i'm kinda weird today.
don mind me.


toodles. ^^


xX miss Xx
missy you. =D

...

i watching drama..

...

with a blanket on me.


hahaha. and all i on is fan.

so cold lah today.


but i like! ^^

rain more rain more. xD

2012 : end of the world

watched this movie edy.

the first impression was great.

all the special effects and stuff were spectacular.

but i totally agree with the critics.

it DID NOT really arouse the 2012 awareness.

its didn't really made you think about the thruthness of this prediction.

even the ending was happy, leaving the audience thinking the thing might not be real anyways.

the movie was like a game.

the pilot drove the aeroplane like in game.

making this to be as if so fun.

...................................................................................................................................................................

so here comes the question.

what IF 2012 is the end of the world?

0.O

all these years, we had always thought the end of the world is child saying. impossible.

'who cares bout end of the world, well not me. i'll be dead by then. let the ppl that time worry.'

but 2012, is 3 freakin years away ok. 3 years till you die, aint short ok.

TAKE THIS FREAKIN SERIOUSLY.

ok, maybe you are not convinced, since scientist has got this prediction wrong several times.

but ...

death

is something that wont just happen during end of the world.

its gonna happen anyday anytime.

SO WHAT IF THIS 2012 THING DID NOT HAPPEN???

think bout this..

one could walk out of the road and got crashed by a car.

one could get murdered for no reasons.

one could die for unknown sickness.

this shows how fragile life can be.

err... actually no need read de. i just wrote out my tangling messy thought out. seriously. no need read


can you believe it?



one year... (almost)

few more weeks and i'm not a form 4 anymore.

what awaits me are unpredictable.

well, life is unpredictable.

i totally understand that now.


been through a year.

this is definitely not an easy.


i start off real sad, stress, frustrated, helpless, pathetic, useless, unconfident, being blamed on, being wrongly justified.

that few starting months were really hard on me.

life back then was unbearable. now that i thought of it,

its already so long ago.


questions that i strained to find answers.

disasters i tried to refrain from.

worries i fear.

results that i hid away..


from worrying, and living in anxiety...

now is far over.


stuff that i once cared about.

are merely a pea now.



if you had to say, i really did learned a lot this year.

learning from the bads,

and changed for the better.

learning from the goods,

and tried to be that.





i learned that,

in life, you may have done a lot.

sacrificed a lot for a certain stuff.


but with one harmless thing you've done wrong.

you'll be the one for the blame.


i always scolded those characters in dramas,

for being wrongly blamed but yet not tell the thruth.

expecially in korean drama.

but now i understand,

i really do.

sometimes you just cant do much.





i learned that,

if you always cared about wat ppl think of you.

you'll leave in sorrows.

the way ppl treat you.

ppl think of you.


is it THAT important.


expecially with those useless suckers.

do you need to care.


well obviously no.

as long as you noe you did nothing wrong.

wtf. who cares. well, not me.


i've always say.

ppl who didn't like me.

i dont like them too.

they aint worth for me to hate.




but there are stuff that i learned too.

in a good way.



i think the BEST MEMORY i had this year.

is in PMO CAMP.


i learned how good ppl around me can be.

i learned to trust.

i learned to share joys.

i learned to work in a group, in a form.

i learned how to sacrifice for my frens. ( that hot games under the torturing suns )

i learned to be grateful for the others.

i learned to help.

i learned to be help.


those day,

during the camp.


how tired all of us can be.

we never gave up.


PMO...

a place where i learned the MOST FROM.

if you didn't know.

all the stuff i wrote up there is all learned from PMO. lol


i will never forgot the days living in school.

its the family feeling that i cannot forget.


4 years ain't short.

it makes me feel old thinking back.


its like almost all our batch.

you understnad them like you never had.


especially lam ar, zi xin ar, jia hui ar..... and................................... 2810841608743614 how list all. lol


you know wat you can do.

you noe wat makes them angry.

you noe wat you need not care.

frens that i'm close to or not.

had changed me in certain ways.

all of the ppl i thanked earlier.

really appreciated it.


friday saturday repeating.

competition that time sommore everyday.

i love you guys.


i'm happy because of you guys.

but i'm also sad sometime because of those guys.

my secondary life is full with you guys.





to be continued....

YOU NOE WAT????

actually ar...

i dono wat to post about.

=.="


i hate you.

bye


xX go die lah Xx
don wan see you next life.