btw, this is a long and meaningless post. i doubt anyone of you is going to read from the first to the last word. so go look for the links in my blog and go to their blog or wtv. or you can just press 'x' sign on the top right corner. if you are not gonna read this, don read a single word of it and go away.

..................................................................................................................
hehe. uhm i can explain. >.<"

well, this is the perfect time for blogging isnt it? ^^

3.17AM and i'm still here.

listening Pavane.

i wonder why...



i tried to explain my weirdness of staying up at this kind of time.

not busy with stuff.

but plainly just watching movie, sight reading scores, and listening music.


i find myself rediculously enjoying this moment.

perfectly calm and relax.


*********


i guess, i just love the quietness and lonliness of the night (early morning )

just before this post. i was so hot tempered.

i thought it was me.

but i guess not.


i couldn't bare the morning and afternoons.

everything is going on.

that's wat i despise.


****


being totally alone downstairs now.

i couldnt' just love it more.



mom, sis, granma all sleeping(obviously)

no sound.

the 'shhh'-ing of the fan.

and my window media player making sounds.(and youtube)

beautiful ones.


not like the morning and afternoons,

tv noise of granma,

electric shops behind my house making unbearable noise as if they are the only ones on earth.

cars in the neighbourhood which had its alarm set off and which seems like hours till its freakin owner manage to get his/her keys.

neighbour yelling to each other.

unbearable hot weather.

stupid ppl which i am suppose to communicate with.(and i dono how)

seeing ppl acting to stay good.

cars zooming around and not have a look at their engines.

yada yada.. etc....

(don wanna spoil my mood)


what my point is,

now..

i can on my music as loud as i want too...

listen to it carefully without no external noises acting on it.

no one demanding me here and there.

no one to act as if he had the power.

no one nagging.


you noe wat?

i used to be afraid of being alone downstairs at night.

haha. imagine that.


****

well, wat you didn't noe was that i was sick last night.

with unbearable headache....

minor fever....

my eyes were burning,

my head acted as if it had been poked on or something.


but i didn't went to sleep.

i stayed downstair.

watch tv till i couldn't stand the pain.


i dono why either,

just don feel like sleeping.

so yea, haha, i wouldn't go to sleep because i like the night so much. xDDDD


****

im such a loner

but that's me.

loner takes up 60% of me.

the other 30% is the laughing, high gei, as if i have no 'heart stuff'(chinese) in school

the other 10% is... i don care.


i'm not that always happy.

sometimes i do feel i'm fake. somehow.

but im getting real.

yea.

i was faker last time. xDD

i mean, literally.

fake as in i don represent myself.


**

i was asking myself.

when is the TRUE-EST me?


i'm true now.

since nothing is stopping me from being it.


but when is the 30% happiness of me true?

i think think think,

i thought thought thought.


and i've got none. xDDD

sometimes i laugh to lighten the atmosphere.

do make it seem... i'm laughing?

i dono.

for others to see i guess?


happy?

100% wans??

nah.

the closest i get is 95%.

of course there are times i'm superbly happy.

but there are always cons present aren't there?

you're happy

but you have other stuff worrying you in heart.

stuff that you cared of.


****


ar la. these are a bunch of craps

these are meant to go into my diary.

but mine's upstairs. =(

anyone go get it for me?


xX wtv. haha Xx
signing off at 3.47AM